Tuesday.
This morning I just could not be bothered to get out of bed. I did eventually and am now sitting at work bored out of my mind. I have no one to talk to and am listening to Fiona Apple. A little bit depressing but cathartic at the some time.

Last night I went on another cathartic mission to Russingham Palace. I went to make some curtains and put up all my pictures. After putting up all my great pictures, butterflies and scorpians I could not even be bothered to make the curtains so I just "dressed" the window with my great crow material. It looks great but is completely impracticle. I managed to get all my books in one cupboard. I was so surprised how much space there is in my cupboards. It's great. Even though it is CSI night I think I might go back again tonight and take a load more things. I have decided that I am going to move in next week and start my college work.

I am feeling so unimpressed with this town at the moment. Well, it's not even this town. It's me in this town. I really dont feel I am making the most of myself and my potential is not being met here. I need to get out.

I have realised a few things over the last couple of days.

1 - When you are depressed or just a bit unhappy then all songs have special meaning to you. They seem to speak to you alone and sum up what is happening in your life. This is a bit strange really. I am not that sentimental or mental bu this has been happening to me more and more lately and I am not sure I like it. I think that my mind is trying to find some shread of hope to grab onto so I dont loose it completely.

2 - Meeting Leon was like finding a stranger's shopping list and realizing that there are other, more interesting diets than your own. It was the first time I have ever felt incomplete.
I know that if I had met him whilst I was at college then the feeling would not be so severe, as here in "dead end town" I have no prospects or aspirations. This is not a good place to be when you have nothing to do. You grab onto anything that shows a glimmer of improving you life or just making you feel better about yourself for a moment of time. I think that this is why there is so much drink and drug issues in small subburbs. This is off the track of my thoughts though. The reason that I liked Leon to a degree is that he has acheived so much that he wanted to. He had dreams and had made them happen. Success is super attractive.
I know that I will eventually do that and that I have been doing this activly for over a year now. I am where I want to be and as soon as I move I will feel a million times better about myself but then again I am still here at my computer doing a shit job and feeling a bit crappy.

3 - Leon may be successful and everything but he still does not have a meaningful relationship. There is hope for me yet.

Now the question is what do I do about Norway when I get back to Epsom?

Shit moment of the day - Getting dressed and reaslising that I look like Timmy Mallet. What was I thinking?

Magic moment of the day - Realising how unhappy I am. Now I can sort it out.

Have fun and remeber...people are not always there for you.

RUss.